the healing touch?

I went to see a man who does healing touch with a girlfriend tonight. I am sure he received a great deal of healing from the parts he was touching, me… not so much. Just as I suspected, someone who prays on the weak as regulars, but mostly makes a living off one shot curious George’s like me.

We drove out to a house in Gatineau and walked right in and sat in the living room until we were seen. I went first into a room and lay on the table and the man (I can’t even remember his name?) just started putting his hands on my stomach, under my breasts and near my pelvis and meditated. (so much for buying me dinner first!)

He did this for about 4 minutes without word and then left the room, for an hour. For an hour!!! For the first 10 minutes I lay there and gazed out the window. The next 10 minutes I started to get irritated, and the next 10 minutes I wondered if I should be meditating, then the next 10 minutes I listened to him go to the bathroom and head to the basement to start up the washing machine. For the next 10 minutes I was irritated again, and then the last 10 minutes I just started text messaging people… did I not get it?

When he finally came back he was surprised that I had not fallen asleep. I resisted the urge to let him know I do that in my own home… for free, but I tried to keep an open mind: ) He then placed his hands in the same locations and told me there was a great deal of tension in my left breast… not my “chest” my “breast” and it was channeling down to the right side of my pelvis. (I guess he missed the giant cancerous sweet potato size mass (6"x6"x2") lying behind my right breast? Although I get why he's drawn... I've always thought the left one was cuter - perkier:) It was important that I realign it through the center of the body because the charkas run from my pelvis to breasts. (I seem to recall them running to my head, but okay?)

He then described to me that there was a charka in my labia, that’s the part between the vagina and anus that needs to be grounded. He actually used the words “labia”, “vagina”, “anus”, “breasts” and “nipple” (I haven’t told you that part yet) in the combined total of 9 minutes he was with me. Our session ended with him telling me to put my left hand on my left breast, making sure the nipple was in my palm, and my right hand on my pelvis for 10 minutes a day to realign and redirect my energy.

Where I come from we call that masturbation. It doesn’t happen every day, it does realign a few things, I didn’t need to pay you $30 bucks to tell me that… and I can do it in 4 minutes!