Loose Ends

I was reading back over some of my posts and thought I should provide some updates and wrap up loose ends.

Breathing problems: My last chemo was mid-Dec with the effects of that round felt between Christmas and New Years. This was the worst breathing spell yet, but I stayed calm and mostly immobile for about a week and when the cycle of drugs started to wear off, my breathing improved. Between my ER visit and now I have had numerous lung/breathing tests, scans and appointments regarding the matter. For awhile the Dr’s thought I had systematic fibrosis on my lungs (permanent scaring) from the bleomycin, but thankfully it seems to be temporary (yet sever) swelling from prolonged use of the chemical. I am breathing normally now, but I still notice a… limited air intake (hard to explain) when I workout.

Doc visits: Too many! Mid-January I had my follow-up CT/PET scan, then follow-up consult with my Hematologist and numerous lung and heart dudes.

Test results: My CT shows the mass has stayed shrunken but not gone. Sometimes these masses never go away completely and scar tissue is left, however my PET showed the mass was still active. The Dr. is not keen on radiation due to my lung/heart sensitivity, so in a few months we will look at BMT treatment

Eating and digestion: Much better and fat, fat, fat! I didn’t have too many hang-ups about food during chemo, I was on the “if you make it, Ill eat it diet!” My yoyo bowel problems are gone, thank god Ill never take my ass for granted again! Except now that it’s working again, it wants more real-estate – my ass is huge! I am so hungry all the time, and desperate for sugar. Is it an unbalance, or boredom?

Medications: None baby, none!!! I haven’t stepped into my pharmacy since Dec, and I will suffer a headache all night before I take one single Tylenol. I just need some drug-free time before it all starts again.

Energy: Unbelievable! There comes a point throughout treatment where you’ve been decrepit for so long, and deteriorate more with each treatment that you almost forget what daily energy is because the slowdown was gradual. My breathing and energy improved daily once the effects of the last round wore off. It was amazing, last Nov I couldn’t carry my own laundry to the basement and by Dec I could barely get down the stairs to the kitchen. Mid-January I was up to low key activities for about half a day, and now I could probably work about a 6hour day. My free laundry service has ended!

Ailments: My arms still ache from the damage to my veins but that’s about it. Dry mouth and dry eyes that caused blurred vision is gone. My crazy heart rhythms have returned to normal and lungs are doing what they’re supposed to. My nose still runs constantly; when will that end?

Looks: My hair is still growing, but slower than before. My skin is still dry and rough. Towards the end of treatment my body felt like sandpaper. I’m still scrubbing away and saturating myself in Shea butter but it’s not quite back to normal.

Vacation: I was too sick and tired to go away for Christmas. We finally went last week to Barbados. I think that was best that we waited a few weeks because I was in much better shape to tour and do activities.

Future: Unknown, uncertain! I really just don’t know what to do with myself right now. Physically I am feeling better and the Dr. suggested I could return to work until my next treatment, but I don’t really have a job I can walk in and out of. It would be bad for clients and coworkers to have to leave again in two months. So I’m trying to decide what to do?

Money: Almost outta coin! CPP pays very little and starts after EI times out. I don’t qualify for any EI top-ups and likely not EI disability. For the last 9 months I have been paying bills from my savings, as CPP only provides about half of what I need to meet my financial obligations. The savings run out in February, so go back to work right? If I work just a little (p/t), it’s subtracted dollar for dollar from my benefits – no gain. If I work a lot (f/t) I lose my benefits and then have to start the application process all over again when I start up treatment again. I’m trapped… fuck I was supposed to be cancer free by now – I budgeted to be cancer free by now! There is no more money to entertain this cancer nonsense any longer!