Stay of Execution!

After all that I met with my hematologist to look at my latest CAT scan. First request, get my PICC line put back in ASAP and then discuss a treatment schedule so we could start coordinating my caretakers for the up and coming BMT this month.

Except the first thing he said was that “the CAT scan looked good, the mass has shrunk further and I think we’ll hold off on the BMT for awhile… I’d like to go with the wait and see approach” “See you in 3 months.” Whoa wha? It seems while I’ve been off planning for the worst my body has been givin em her best.

Funny my first response was not relief, it was annoyance and then guilt. But I’m ready! I’ve done allot of emotional prep-work over the last couple of months coming to terms with so much uncertainty and fear about what could happen during the BMT and then finally hit that “I’m ready, lets do this shit whatever happens happens” place… and nothings happenin! I should feel relief, but I feel emotionally jilted.

I feel guilty now too that things are going well. My parents just paid for a bunch of babies-on-ice, my Aunt just took me on a “one last hurrah” trip and my ‘everyone’ has been weighed down by my BMT news in Jan. I feel like I’ve cried wolf…. But it wasn’t me, it was the cancer! (sure, sure)

Whew… now that I’ve got the doubt outta me I think I can move into my happy place… at least for the next 3 months. I’m gonna make tacos and PinaColadas tonight, pretend like we’re celebrating my ovaries (what you don’t have family dinners like that?) and then casually tell them “I’ve refused to go into treatment this month!” and watch their faces drop… tee hee!

Being bad about good news is so much fun sometimes;)

Babies on Ice.

(Home from my Drug Run to Montreal)
In lue of further treatment (DHAP, BEAM & BMT) I decided to have some eggs frozen. After the first rounds of chemo my ovaries were not doing so well, “sluggish” was the word used. (Like they were hungover Given that the new chemo cocktails were going to be stronger this time I didn’t feel that the Lupron shot was going to be enough to save the ladies this time… time to find a new nest.

It was a rough process because you’ve gotta have eggs to freeze first. The average woman my age produces about 15-30 egg/follicles/ova/whatever a month but once they get to a certain size it triggers ovulation and then through ovulation only 1 (or 2) eggs survive to become dominant and ready for fertilization. I kicked up 2… just 2 and only from one ovary. .. the other bitch was still passed out.

There was some suggestion that they may recover as time went on, but I was running out of time. I managed to delay my BMT schedule until May, but that’s as long as I would go and needed to get some eggs out before then.

I contacted the McGill fertility clinic in Montreal because Ottawa doesn’t offer these services yet and started planning in Feb. Once we figured out my cycle for May I started hormone injections at home prior to collection to help induce more eggs, the more collected the better the results later. But I should mention in March I took it upon myself to start a supplement called Vitex that assists with fertility and saw my own egg count go up each month. Crackalackin!

Things progressed quickly and I only had to do injections for 9 days… only. These ones were twice a day and stung like hell. The collection was easy – 10 minutes! It’s all the prep that’s work, daily injections and driving to MT every other day for ultrasounds that’s not fun at 5am.

Collection day was a bit of an ordeal in that they couldn’t get an IV line into me. As usual my veins are toastitos and we can’t get fluid in or out of them without trying a few different spots each time. After 1 ½ hours, 9 painful tries and 2 faints (Mum fainted too) we got a so-so line in my hand for a 10 minute procedure. It worked just long enough for me to receive a local and then collapsed, and my hand bubbled with saline. My hands and arms have bruises and blood welts, I look like a junkie.

So that’s enough of that, Ill be asking the Dr. for my PICC line back in ASAP before any tests for the BMT start. (Who would have though “I” would be begging for it back!!!) I’ll meet with him tomorrow to look at my CAT scan and get this thing started. But first I need to go look up what these new chemicals are going to do to me, I feel like I’m ready for it now… got all my eggs in their basket.

Oh ya… 5 eggs in total! Humpty, Benedict, Sunny, Quicha & Huevos… the Spanish egg!