My scans show the cancer that was left has started growing again; time to go back into treatment again. I'm not surprised, just really pissed… and not even pissed about the cancer, more so about being given this break. This time off has been an illusion of normalcy.
The problem with a false sense of normalcy is that it feels like you have to walk out of your life all over again when cancer rears its ugly head - again. Actually it’s worse because this time it feels like a failure, like you failed in keeping the cancer away. The first time wasn’t your fault; you didn’t know it could get you too, but the second time well you should have been looking out, keeping watch, fighting the good fight. Now it’s back – you failed, normalcy over!
I don’t want to tell anyone yet, but they haven’t asked either. They too have moved on. I'm tellin ya this cancer thing gets old for people. This false sense of normalcy affects us all, patient, family & friends. I just want to be alone with this for awhile, continue my illusion of normalcy a few more days.
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