My First Bloody Gift

My clinic nurse called me earlier in the week to tell me I was neutropenic and that my platelets are so low, point 7! I guess the average person has between 150–450 x 109/L)[15] platelets, so I need a transfusion by the end of the week.

I asked her if low platelets were responsible for my low energy and she said no, it’s more about keeping one from bleeding and bruising, and just as she said it I happened to be adjusting my shirt and looked down to see a large purple bruise on my stomach. Last night when I gave myself my neupogen shot (yes I'm doing it on my own now!!!) the tiny needle left me bleeding for awhile which was unusual so I thought I might have a pen point size bruise, but not a bruise the size of a sand dollar!
So I have been careful to brush my teeth lightly (even getting a baby toothbrush) to avoid bleeding in my gums, and being gentle on my nose, bowels etc. Because once I got bleeding it might be hard to stop. I'm nervous about my bowels because it’s always my weakness to get constipated and tear after chemo, and it’s already hurting so much to go.

I'm not however nervous about getting platelets (or blood) from another, I trust the Canadian Blood services and all the modern tests we have, but I am feeling very sentimental about it in a sorts. I guess this why they (CBS) choose the marketing slogan “give the gift of blood”. I feel very much like I'm being given a gift, a very personal intimate gift.